


Sacrificial Lamb

by Shady_Knight



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Age Difference, Attempted Prostitution? (you'll see), F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inappropriate Humor, Joseph and John won't suddenly become good, Multi, Pacifist Deputy, Rating May Change, Religious Fanaticism, Religious Guilt, Sassy Deputy (kind of), Swearing, Tags May Change, Thirsty Deputy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Warnings Will Change, but still a troublemaker, the term 'Daddy' is used in reference to Joseph (jokingly - for now), tweaking canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-05 22:21:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15180617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shady_Knight/pseuds/Shady_Knight
Summary: A very young female Deputy just wanted to arrest Joseph Seed. Things went downhill from there.But she still knows one thing: she's not killing one person. Peggie or not.Hope County is not taking her humanity.EDIT: Currently on hiatus while I try to get my muse for this story back. Not abandoned.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not American, so I don't know if you can already be a policewoman at 19, but if not, let's pretend otherwise.  
> I'm hoping to make a ~10 chapter story out of this.

The helicoptor was landing.  
Junior Deputy Marie Robins tried to shake the feeling of dread away that had begun to grow in her when they had entered "Peggie" territory. The video of the subject of their visit, a man named Joseph Seed, had shaken her up. In more ways than one. Sure, it was terryfing to see how that self-proclaimed prophet just gouged a man's eyes out with his thumbs, but there was another feeling as well, one that young Marie couldn't quite place.  
She wished she'd never agreed to go to the police academy. She'd never particularly wished to go to the police, instead wanting to study psychology and go into research. But, of course, she had to be the pathetic idiot she was and try to please her father who was a retired policeman himself. In the end he hadn't even shown up when she had graduated from the academy. So it hadn't mattered at all. He had drunken himself into a stupor and missed the date. He had been that way since he had to leave active duty because of a work injury. His job had been his life. Marie's mother had left soon after that (with her younger beau) leaving her 8-year-old daughter with her increasingly escalating father. He was a large man in his late forties, not fat or anything, but simply tall and broad with pale blue eyes and dark closely cut hair. Despite his vices she had to give him one thing; he always stopped short of actually harming her in any serious way (spanking when she had been bad and the regular bruises on her wrists from his grip did not count). Even in his worst drunken fits he only hurled insults at her or locked her in her room as punishment for petty slights. The worst, in Marie's opinion, was the absolute lack of affection or positive reinforcement from him. It had always hurt her most when her friends told her about the presents they'd gotten from their fathers when Marie was lucky when he even looked at her on her birthday for anything other than to ask her to get him his beer.  
Marie had thought that becoming a policewoman might create a bridge in their relationship but he had not cared.

And now she was stuck with a badge and a weapon that she did not really want. She abhorred guns since the guns her father owned had always felt like a threat more than a potection. She had never known if he might decide to take it out when he was too drunk to handle it properly.  
At 19, a mere two months after arriving at the County as the rookie (and becoming a Junior Deputy simply because no one else really wanted that position due to the County's reputation) , she was on her first real assignment, a warrant to arrest the leader of The Project at Eden's Gate.  
Rook, as her collegues called Marie, was silent as they approached the church, not joing the conversation that the others were holding.

The cultists that they passed on their way gave them paranoid glances, spooking Marie even more as she listened for any suspicious noises. When they drew nearer the group could begin to hear voices coming from the church where Joseph Seed was supposed to be. They were singing _Amazing Grace_.  
The U.S. Marshal wanted to open the door, his hand on the weapon by his side, but was stopped by the Sheriff who pressed his hand against the white wooden door keeping it closed.  
"Woah, Marshal. Now we do this, we do it my way. Quietly. Calmly. You got it?"  
The Marshal was visibly annoyed but managed to press out a "Fine.", flinging his arms out in a gesture that clearly showed that he was fed up with what he perceived as the Sheriff's crap.  
"Hudson, at the door. Watch our backs. Don't let any of these people get in. And Rookie - on me. And you", directed at the Marshal, "just try not to do anything stupid."  
"Relax, Sheriff. You're about to get your name in the paper.", said the U.S Marshal, putting his hand on the Sheriff's shoulder who did not seem to be very pleased about the contact. The Marshal let his hand fall as Whitehorse moved to finally open the door of the church.  
Marie was concentrating very hard on being focused and fearless so she jumped a little when Hudson suddenly turned to her.  
"You'll be fine.", she said, obviously worried about the younger woman.  
Marie just nodded as an answer and turned back to the doors just as the Sheriff opened them to step inside.

A voice began to speak, male and loud and clear and pleasant above the murmurs of the surroundings. The voice of a man who was used to speaking to an audience.  
"Something is coming. You can feel it, can't you?" It was coming from the man at the front of the church, Joseph Seed. Marie could only see his outline because of the lighting of the church. "That we are creeping toward the edge...and there will be a reckoning." A short pause. "That is why we started the Project. Because we know what happens next. They will come. They will try to take from us. Take our guns. Take our freedom... **_Take our faith!_ ** We will not let them!"  
They were almost directly in front of the man now and Marie could only stare at the leader of The Project at Eden's Gate.  
He was shirtless, with only his jeans, shoes and yellow tinted aviators. He was well built but his upper body was littered with scars and tattoos. There was a black rosary wrapped around his left hand. He had brown hair that was tied up in a man bun and a well-kept beard. Marie was completely focused on that man and his words and only briefly noticed that the Sheriff and the Marshal were talking.  
"We will not let their greed, or their immorality, or their depravity hurt us anymore! There will be no more suffering!", the man's words were passionate and Marie could defintitely understand how so many people followed him. He had a lot of charisma.

They stood right at the front now and the Sheriff was arguing with the Marshal until the Marshal was fed up and help up a piece of paper to the preacher, his angry voice cutting through the serenity of the church.  
"Joseph Seed! I have a warrant issued for your arrest on the suspicion of kidnapping with the intent to harm! Now, I want you to step forward and keep your hands where I can see 'em!" The man in question raised his hands slowly and without protest, his followers beginning to rebel instead.  
"Here they are...the Locusts in our garden.", he told his flock, lowering his hands as a few Peggies stepped in between him and Marie's group. "You see they've come for me. They've come to take me away from you. They've come to destroy all that we've built!", Joseph continued, his voice growing harder and spurring his followers on in their displeasure.  
There was shouting and the Sheriff called through the disarray, telling everyone to calm down and for the Marshal to leave his weapon alone.  
Joseph Seed apparently took pity on him and calmed his followers by descending the step and touching two of them by the shoulder.  
"We knew this moment would come. We have prepared for it.", he told them, his voice strangely soothing and fatherly, even to Marie.  
"Go. Go.", Joseph told his flock and they obeyed wordlessly as sheep would obey their shepherd. "God will not let them take me.", he reassured them and it sounded so full of conviction that Marie didn't doubt it for a second that he whole-heartedly believed it himself as well.

As the cultists filed out of the church, their prophet continuet preaching.  
"I saw when the Lamb opened the First Seal, and I heard as it were the noise of thunder one of the four beasts say come and see."  
As he was quoting the Book of Revelation three people had assembled behind him, two men and a young woman. Marie did not pay much attention to them, fixated as she was on this strange yet fascinating man in front of her. He had a magnetic pull, Marie felt compelled to step even closer to him, to bathe in his larger-than-life presence.  
"Step forward."  
Joseph ignored the Marshal, instead continuing his speech and prowling in front of them. Like a predator.  
"...and I saw, and behold it was a white horse...", he turned to the Sheriff, as if addressing him directly, almost as if he knew of the irony of Sheriff Whitehorse's name. "...and Hell followed with him.", he finished, suddenly looking directly at Marie who was rooted to the spot, her heart stuttering as his eyes pinned her and looked straight into her soul, disecting her deepest secrets and insecurities. He held his hands out for her and she was tempted to take them and feel if this man was even real, as weird and otherworldy as he seemed until she remembered that she was the one who carried the cuffs very visibly on her side. Everyone was probably expecting her to put him in cuffs.  
"Rookie - cuff this son of a bitch.", the Marshal was seriously beginning to piss her off. Could he not try to stay civil sounding? Did he not gather that this was a delicate situation?  
She looked at Joseph Seed whose hands were raised in front of him, open and non-threatenting. His posture was completely relaxed, contrary to the three people behind him who all seemed very tense.

The seemingly oldest was a bearded redhead dressed in camo who seemed to stare Marie down menacingly and Marie could imagine his muscles straining with apprehension. He had scars on his crossed arms and the side of his face. He was the tallest and burliest of the three men in front of Marie.  
The other man was a lot younger than the redhead and, standing on the step, only a little taller than the older one. He was slender and quite frankly almost pretty. He looked like he took great care of his appearance with his slicked back black hair on which rested a pair of blue tinted sunglasses. His button down was blue as well and he wore a dark vest over it which could barely be seen because of the open coat that covered his form.  
The only other girl in the church seemed to be the youngest of the three but still a few years older than Marie. Her honey coloured hair flowed unrestrained over her shoulders and the white flower decorated dress that she wore seemed quite short for a church (but fit her very well).

"Rook, put the cuffs on him!", the Marshal repeated, now sounding angry with her disobedience.  
Marie felt helpless, she didn't quite now what to do, for some reason she just knew that arresting him would be a mistake. She was sure that *something* would happen.  
Her face must have betrayed her inner conflict because The Father's eyes seemed to soften when they meet hers and wordlessly encourage her to do what she thought was right. "Put down your guns, take your friends and walk away.", he told her and a shudder ran through her when he spoke those words. He had nailed it. She desperatly wanted to _put down her gun_.  
"Come on, Rookie!"  
Her hands trembled and she looked at them, willing them to be steady. She eyed the cuffs in her right hand, as well.  
"I-I", she stammerd, forcing herself to move, keeping her eyes down because she did not want to meet anyone's eyes as she did this.  
"I'm sorry.", she breathed more than said. The cuffs clicked in place around Joseph's wrists.  
"Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away.", he whispered, unknowingly echoing Whitehorse's statement from the helicopter ride.  
Marie sucked in a breath and placed her gloved hand on Seed's bare shoulder to guide him with her when the Sheriff told them to go. He walked without protest.

Hudson greeted them at the door telling them that they needed to get out of there quickly. She sounded vaguely worried.  
The Marshal, Sheriff and Hudson went ahead, hands on their gun and Marie followed with The Father. She was so close to him that she could smell him, a mixture of sweat, musk and the wood of the church. Altogether it was not an unpleasant smell.  
On his upper back, just a bit below where her hand rested, was the word Gluttony, a raised scar, etched into his skin. Marie wondered if he had done this to himself or if he had been a victim.  
Dogs barked and someone shouted.  
"They're taking The Father, they're taking The Father!"  
The Sheriff told her to stay on the path and Marie almost snorted despite her own fear. As if she were stupid enough to wander off somewhere. Go for a nice walk with the cult's leader in his territory.  
The pair of them stayed silent as they advanced toward the helicopter, the Marshal shouting at the Peggies to back up and ordering them to stand back.  
When the first Peggies started to throw rocks, Marie flinched slightly, flashing back to a time when her father would throw things at her, not really intending to hit, just wanting to scare her. The Father, of course, noticed her flinch because of their proximity and he looked at her meaningfully, searching her eyes for the root of her reaction. No rocks were really aimed in her direction however, probably out of the Peggies' fear that they could hit The Father. She closed her lids for a moment and shook herself, soldiering on as their three escorts drew their weapons and pointed them at the cultists to keep them in check.

The Marshal fired a few shots into the air, hoping to scare them. "GET BACK! GET THE FUCK BACK!", he shouted and Pratt, having seen them slowly arriving, started the engine of the helicopter as they stepped unto the clearing where it waited.  
Hudson had climbed into the helicopter ahead of them and was now urging Marie to do the same above the Peggies' and the Marshal's shouting and the noise of the engine. "Get in Rook, c'mon. Get in!"  
She then helped guide the Father into a seat.  
"Pratt! Get us outta here!"  
Marie scrambled into her seat, the Marshal following close behind her as the last one.  
There were cultists all around the helicoptor, clawing at the windows and the Marshal fought one as they tried to enter the helicoptor behind him.  
"Close the fuckin' door!" Another Peggie tried to climb in as they took of, holding onto the helicopter and the Marshal shot a especially persistent one. Not having the time to be apalled Marie shoved a bald cultist away from herself and watched with horror as he fell back to the ground with a thud. She hoped she hadn't killed him. The Marshal had gripped The Father's arm, shaking the man a little, as if he could or would do something. But Joseph Seed just sat there, calmly looking into the distance as complete chaos erupted around him.  
He even began to sing softly.  
" _Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.._ ", he had a nice singing voice. Not that she should concentrate on that currently as a crash was heard above their heads. Blood splattered on the windows and Marie concluded with horror and disgust that a cultist had thrown themselves into the blades of the helicoptor to save the Father. The blades seemed to be damaged as the helicoptor hurdled around, losing altitude. They were going to crash on the ground! But not even this possibily of death seemed to deter the Father as he continued to sing.  
" _I once was lost, but now I'm found..._ "  
They were falling, falling and the ground was getting closer faster with every second.  
Marie closed her eyes upon impact and felt herself thrown around in the helicoptor, secured only through her seatbelt. Before darkness overtook her she heared the Father singing softly as if nothing had happened.  
" _Was blind, but now I see._ "

Marie's head hurt like hell when she regained consciousness, vision blurry. Around her was fire and the still (hopefully) unconscious bodies of her collegues. The headset was hanging from the ceiling , just in reach if she stretched and Nancy's worried voice was coming out of it.  
"Come in...this is Nancy. Is everything OK? Over.", after a pause, "Please, are you there? Are you there? Are you there, Sheriff?  
Deputy Hudson, if you're there please pick up."  
Marie tried to blink away the nausea but the pressure on her head did not seem to want to go away. " _Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound..._ " Rook realised that The Father was awake and tried to grab the headphones but her hands and body did not quite cooperate so she did not reach them. "Deputy Pratt? Are you there? Are you there?"

When she finally seemed to reach them, a hand shot out to grab her wrist and the Father raised himself into her field of view.  
Apart from a bit of light bruising on his face he was untouched by the crash landing.  
" _...that saved a wretch like me._ "  
"Earl, come in. Over.", Nancy sounded like she was almost crying.  
"Are you there? Is somebody there? Please."  
His hand was warm on her wrist and his grip firm but purposely not strong enough to hurt her.  
"I told you that God wouldn't let you take me.", he whispered and Marie felt dread wash over her like a wave. What was going to happen now? To her? To the others?  
"But then again, you apologized, didn't you? You looked so lost in front of me. In front of **God**. Like a lamb without a shepherd. Maybe I can guide you onto the right path yet.", he looked into the distance as if watching something happen from far away.  
"Please I need to know what's going on.", Nancy would know that they were here. Marie was sure that she'd try everything to save them. She would send more people to rescue them. This what the only relief that she had.  
Joseph caught the headset with his other hand, his eyes not leaving her's for a second.  
"Dispatch.", what was he doing? Nancy would know their voices from a strangers.  
"Ohhh... my God.", what was going on?  
"Everything is just fine here. No need to call anyone.", what the fuck, why would he think that would work? Nancy would tell him off sny second now and tell him that she'd be sending reinforcements...  
"Yes Father. Praise be to you.", what the actual hell!? Nancy was a traitor? A Peggie?  
Oh shit, Marie thought, they were lost. She hadn't told any of her friends where she was going, they wouldn't know where to search for her when they realised she was missing.  
The Father leaned in, close enough that she could count his individual lashes and whispered, "No one is coming to save you."  
Marie felt like crying, this was bad, really bad. She was not prepared for this. Not at all. This was her first real assignment for fuck's sake. She was just _nineteen_.  
She whimpered when he moved to leave the helicoptor, the movement rattling her tender and pounding head. He stilled, looking back at her. "Please", she half sobbed half murmured, not really knowing what she was asking for, " _please._ "  
He raised his hand in her direction and she held still, not having many other options.  
His hand stroked her face, rough thumb wiping away a few tears from her cheek and he shushed her gently, as a real father would (not hers - never hers).  
"It will be alright. If you let God guide you and he wills it, you can still march to Eden's Gate. You have shown that your soul is not lost."

Then he climbed outside to the cultists' happy cries. "Father!", they called, like he had been gone for an eternity.  
He calmed them, preaching on top of a car: "Everything is going according to God's plan. I am still here with you. The First Seal has been broken. The Collapse has begun."  
The others were coughing, starting to awaken. "And we will take what we need. And we will preserve what we have. And we will _kill_  all those that stand in our way. _And these_ ", he pointed at the helicopter, "The harbringers of doom will see the truth."  
The others were trying to loosen their seatbelts, hoping to get out of the helicoper alive. "BEGIN THE REAPING!", commanded the Father and his flock seemed to know what that meant because they swarmed out, a few turning to the helicopter. Hudson was the fastest to open her seatbelt but also the closest to the open door and quickly seized by the Peggies, dragged away, screaming as Marie and the others could do nothing but watch. Other Peggies were coming for her and them as well, but the firse chose this moment to roar up, blocking the door from them.  
"Let them burn. This is God's will. This is their punishment.", Joseph's voice rang out, but Marie could not see him anymore from where she was. This man was confusing her. One minute he said that the Gates might still be open to her and the next he said she was supposed to burn?

The Marshal had finally freed himself, jumping out on the other side and running, not even bothering to help Marie. She struggled with her seatbelt, the heat of the flames licking at her skin and almost cried out in relief when it finally opened. She scrambled out of the wreckage, almost falling over herself and ran into the forest, not daring to look back as shots ringed behind her. "Oh woah, woah, woah! They're getting away! They're getting away!", she heard someone shout and the young deputy ran as fast as her fatigued and disoriented body allowed. Her head hurt like a bitch and Marie was not sure how long she could keep going with a head injury like that. At least she was not bleeding profusely anywhere. That was something.


	2. The Cleansing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and the comments! I'm really trying my best to make this a good story. I hope the characters are not too OOC or Mary-Sue-ish. If there are any grave grammatical errors, please tell me. I'm not a native speaker and sometimes don't notice.

She had run through the woods until Burke radioed her, well not really her, but she was the only one who responded by coming to that trailer. He greeted her by attacking her and then acting as if he hadn't been a complete idiot and dick the whole time in that church. God, that seemed a lifetime ago. How naive they had been, back then. Marie wished she had followed her instincts and left Joseph Seed and his cult alone. She was beginning to realise that all of them but the Sheriff had hugely underestimated this 'Project at Eden's Gate'. The magnitude of their problems seemed crushing now.

Burke armed her and told her to take out the Peggies who arrived to kill them. She was terrified of the large gun he thrust in her arms and told him that she didn't want to do it. She was not going to shoot people first thing - not with her aching head and especially not with the intent to kill them.   
"You can do it yourself. I can get that car to work. Just because I'm a female doesn't mean I don't know my way around a car.", she bit out, storming to the window at the back and opening it. " _You_  cover for _me_.", Marie bit out, annoyed with that man for the second time in that night.  
She got that car to work after a few attempts and beckoned the Marshal to get into the passenger seat. He seemed displeased that she would drive but didn't argue as there was really no time. The remaining Peggies were already calling for reinforcements.  
They tried to drive around the blockades the Peggies had set up and avoid their pursuers but it was too much and Marie had no choice but to drive the car off the bridge and into the river to avoid a more terrible fate. She wondered briefly what the deal for today was, two vehicles crashing in one night.   
_I guess I'm just unlucky._

She remembered the cold water and swimming to the shore with all of her remaining strength when she awoke cuffed to a bed, in some kind of concrete room, the undoubtedly pleasant and familiar voice of The Father speaking over the radio of how she would be found and punished.  
She guessed that Burke had been taken, he was nowhere to be seen. And Joseph would have mentioned two instead of one. Which opened the question of where exactly _she_  was.   
Her head throbbed again as she looked around. To her left was a bald man, his back to her, facing a large American flag. She panicked a little when he told her he should hand her over to the cult but calmed down when he seemed conflicted. At least he wasn't a Peggie.   
She found out that his name was Dutch and he spoke to her about a Holy War that she had supposedly started, about getting her friends back - and friends was a strong word, she was closest to Hudson and even that was more one-sided on Hudson's side than not. But just leaving them here was not an option.

She wasn't really sure what this Dutch's fucking deal was. Telling her to take control of the island, to build a resistance and wanting to send her to do everything?! That was kind of crazy. She wasn't sure if she could trust this man and he wanted her to fight for him.  
But the thing was that Marie didn't think she had many other options. Dutch seemed like the only one within her reach that wouldn't surrender her to the Peggies within the blink of an eye and that was a big plus in Marie's book at the moment. So she did as she was told and moved to free the island, taking care to sabotage and incapitate the Peggies and not kill them. She wasn't a murderer and she would be damned if she let this situation make her one.

But oh god, activating that radio tower was the worst thing she ever had to do. She hadn't thought that she was afraid of heights, but having to climb up there with nothing that secured her scared the shit out of her. She couldn't believe that she had actually managed to liberate Dutch's island.  
After Dutch finished explaining the three regions and their 'owners' over the radio she thought that she could return to Dutch's and rest for a little while (she was fucking exhausted) but another sudden call from Dutch stopped her in her tracks.  
"Oh shit...Deputy. I'm pickin' up something new outta Holland Valley. It's a broadcast from John....You need to see this."  
Marie hurried to look at a screen just as it flickered to life.

The youngest Seed brother turned to the camera, his hands folded. His name flashed at the bottom of the screen in white bold letters and Marie had to hold back the urge to snort. Was that guy serious? There was even background music. It looked like he was a fucking salesman in an ad.  
"We are all sinners. Every one of us.", he said with a slight smile on his quite handsome, bearded face. He was wearing the same outfit that he had worn in the church. Marie raised her eyebrow, she had pegged him as a wear-something-once-and-never-again kind of guy.  
"You. Me.", he gestured and then chuckled, "Even The Father knows deeply of sin.", he raised his left hand to his heart, "It's a poison-", the camera angle changed to show John walking down a carpet of sins. (They were added with what looked like white paint.) "-that clouds our minds."  
He walked toward a few Peggies, "What if I told you, you could be free from sin?", he asked, taking them by their shoulders.

"Oh God", Marie was tearing up, "I cannot take this guy seriously when he's talking like he's gonna sell me something on a corny tv commercial." She really wanted to take him seriously, too.

"What if I told you that everything you ever dreamed could come true? What if I told you that everything could be overcome-" The camera panned away so that John was walking closer to it, "if you embraced an idea:", and the Peggies left the frame. "That freedom from sins can come from the power of just one word...", John was as he was at the beginning, taking up the entire spotlight and talking to the camera directly.  
He raised his arms and head and the camera followed his gaze until a big sign could be seen. _**Yes**_ , in those letters that had lights in them that cheap casinos or hotels used.   
The crowd chanted "Yes!" and clapped as if it was rehearsed (which it probably was) and Marie finally burst out into laughter. It was just too hilarious. That acting!

She quickly sobered up, however, as Hudson was led into frame, bound, with tape over her mouth and her mascara running over her cheeks. " _ **Yes**_ , I am a sinner.", said John for her as he held her, his 'yes' full of conviction, " _ **Yes**_ , I wish to be unburdened. _**Yes**_ , I must be redeemed.", his hand ghosted over Hudson throat and stayed there for a while as if to show that he could squeeze the life out of her right this moment if he wanted but that he chose not to.  
"If you're watching this, know that you have been selected", he left Hudson behind, "You will be cleansed. You will confess your sins, and you will be offered atonement.", he grinned, "Don't worry *you* don't have to do anything.", he orated, gesturing toward the screen. " _We'll come for you._ "  
Cultists in the background started chanting again. And John said one last thing. " **Welcome to Eden's Gate.** "  
With that he walked away, finishing the broadcast.

Well, truth be told, that was unnecassarily dramatic.  
"Fuck.", that was Dutch again.   
"John Seed's got your partner Hudson." _No shit, Sherlock._   _Thank you for pointing that out, I didn't notice._  "She's in a world of shit, Kid. You gotta get goin'." _And will you ever stop calling me a kid? Apperently I'm grown enough to be sent on suicide mission after suicide mission - judging by the amount of times you sounded surprised that I came out alive._

Marie had to say three things about John Seed.  
One, she really thought that John Seed was unintentionally hilarious with all of his shit and swagger.   
Two, Marie felt as if he were a predator, all barely contained anger and rage, ready to unleash it when his charm failed him. And that scared the hell out of her, that unpredictability, never knowing if he would reach out to strike or if he would continue talking.  
Three, she still thought that John was a very pretty man, even when he threatened Hudson and Marie like that. Maybe even because of that. The young deputy knew that her taste in men had always been kind off bad. Hell, if she was at it, she could admit that the thought of sullying the Father's 'holyness' with her body got her all kinds of bothered as well. (It was, of course, only a fantasy she would never indulge in, that man was the closest thing to an enemy that she had - and wasn't that also really hot... she should really _stop_.)  
She had to concentrate on rescuing the others. Especially Hudson, now that she knew where and with whom she was.  
(There was also a four that Marie didn't like to admit - there was something in his words, in Joseph's words even, that spoke to her on a deep level, that reached a place inside her that longed for everything that she had been denied as a child. Peace, love, forgiveness, freedom from the bad things and people of the world. Oh, how often she had plead as a child that everything would go back to the way it was before her father's injury.)

But Rook paid her feelings no mind. She needed to save the innocent people of Hope County, they depended on her, God knows why. There were a thousand more likely candidates for the role of hero or savior if you wanted to call her that (as a few of the people she had rescued had started to) than a 19-year-old girl that had literally no idea what she was actually doing. It seemed like she was just running wherever Dutch directed her, a dog chasing after an imaginary ball.  
She was nobody, really. Just unlucky, or lucky rather because she was still alive after all of this shit. It worked, somehow. Maybe there really was a form of divine intervention that kept her out of harm's way (well at least the worst of it).

When she arrived in Holland Valley, Dutch, as always, was very _encouraging_. ( _Note the sarcasm.)_  
"Listen up, Kid. This valley is turning into a war zone. Cult's taking food, goods, equipment - whatever they want...even people. John Seed is forcing 'em outta their homes and making 'em join the cult. If folks refuse, well...they ain't treated well. Worst of it seems to be centered around Fall's End so I'd head that way."   
Once upon a time, in seemingly another world even, people told her to stay away from trouble like that. Now they were sending her into it. But she didn't complain, it certainly would serve no purpose, and she did want to rescue Hudson after all.

She knocked the unavoidable Peggies she encountered on her way unconscious and made sure to tie them up and leave them hidden in some bushes. Out of the way at least. When she could, she brought them back to Resistance bases to put them into make-shift prisons. She still stuck to her rule of not killing. It was something that teethered her now. If she gave that up now, she would give up a large part of herself and let this fucking county get to her.   
She was kind of like Batman, only that _she_  didn't run around in a ridculous suit pretending to be a night-active mammal with wings.

On her journey she had found, freed and befriended a dog that was called Boomer and she took him almost everywhere. Back home she had always wanted a dog (but her father had never allowed it and during police training there was just no time).  
She preferred his company over that of her other 'companions'. Boomer never annoyed her and never wanted anything more than food or back scratches from her.   
Together they seized Fall's End from the Peggies grip.

Marie met Pastor Jerome and Mary (whose name was pronounced quite differently than Marie's), certainly good people but ultimately she did not want to really befriend anyone. That wasn't what Marie was here to do. She technically wasn't even allowed to be in Mary's bar and she politely declined Mary's offer of a drink. That she didn't want to befriend them didn't stop them from growing on her, though.

The night of the takeover, John spoke over the radio. About _her_  taking from _them_  and that her receiving punishment was the will of The Father. She was tempted to chip in and ask exactly what _kind of punishment_  they were talking about.   
She was a _bad_  person, Marie freely admitted it. But humor, especially crude or mean humor was her way of dealing with serious topics instead of processing them - not to say that she couldn't take things serious, she just preferred not to. She'd learned as a child to deal with her problems this way, a defense mechanism really, one that stopped her from giving up on life.  
Since she rarely voiced her thoughts, most Resistance members didn't know about that side of herself though.   
They saw her as a somber young woman with a good head for strategizing.

One that, when she had seen a poster of Joseph with the words "The Power of Yes", had written nice little additions in red marker. It read "Yes Daddy" after that and Marie couldn't wait for a poor Peggie to see their little slogan ruined in this way.

She was a woman who had stolen a truck called The Widowmaker because a near stranger had asked her to do it to piss the Peggies off. And it had been _worth it_.

Then she got roped into checking on the Woodson Pig Farm for Pastor Jerome where she, halfway there, stopped to take down a goddamn tank and saved her people's asses like the fricking _saint_  she was.  
John did not stay silent about that for long. The radio flickered to life immediately after 'her deed'. "Sin is pervasive.", he told her - and she just knew that it was for her, even though he broadcasted it.  
"It drives us to do unspeakable acts.   
I _know_  the feelings that drive you. I know them... _intimately_.", his voice was like silk over the last word, caressing it almost. "But I can help you, Deputy. I can wash away these sins. I can cleanse your soul. It will be difficult and it will be painful - but it will be worth it.", Marie was not so sure about that, "My people will come for you. They will bring you to me. Don't fight it - because the harder you resist, well...the harder we'll have to scrub your soul.", he said it as if her immediate capture was as sure as the next sunrise.

Oh, shit. Marie ran a hand through her blonde hair - a nervous habit of hers.   
The youngest male Herald was _angry_.   
He wanted to get real serious and Marie didn't even need Dutch telling her that she'd pissed in John's cornflakes to tip her off to it.

That the youngest Seed had actually sent a capture party just for her was as weirdly satisfying (she had messed his plans up _real good_ ) as it was terrifying.  
The bullets that they were shooting at her were weird, not real bullets, but...what had they called them...Bliss bullets? And one had actually hit her, making Marie feel woozy. It was becoming harder to think as she felt the ground below her wobbling and she fell face first into the dirt, losing consciousness.  
She flickered in and of it as well, blurry vision filling with Peggies taking her and talking about a Cleansing. She wanted to struggle but found her body only flopping as though it was too heavy.

The first time she was aware of anything after that she could hear John speak, for the first time not behind a screen or over a radio. "We must atone...For only then may we stand in the light of God and walk through his Gate unto Eden."  
Someone was hoisting her up because she was too Blissed to stand and guiding her to John. Everything was still blurry but she could see that he wasn't wearing that coat of his. His blue sleeves were rolled up to the elbow and he held a book in his hand. He was preaching.  
Marie realised that they were coming out of a river and that she was dripping wet. _John IS the Baptist after all._  She couldn't comprehend how she had not noticed before. This Bliss was making her feel weird. Heavy and light at the same time.  
When Marie stood in front of John he stopped what he was doing to gesture to the Peggie that was transporting her: "Not this one."  
He handed a Peggie his book, some kind of Bible but with the cross of the Peggies.  
"This one's not clean.", with that, John took hold of her suddenly and dunked her back under the water forcefully.   
Marie tried to kick away from him but her body still would not function properly because of the goddamn Bliss. Water went up her nose and into her mouth, a weird pain exploding in her head as he practically attempted to drown her in this river. His face was above her, distorted through the water but his face was filled with a chilling determination. When he pushed her back up, she took gulping breaths, hacking up the water that had made its way into her throat. "Ahh. Shhhh." John smiled at her and tsked, shaking his head playfully. His expression shifted rapidly and he seemed to want to dunk her again, his grip already tightening around her clothes as a voice rang out from behind him.

"Do you mock the cleansing, John?"  
John face changed immediately, bloodlust barely kept in check and he looked very vulnerable before he stopped facing Marie and let his head hang a little bit, like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. The Seed stepped to the right, revealing Joseph standing at the shore of the river. "No, Joseph..", John tried to defend himself but Joseph was already interrupting him: "Shh, _you have to love them, John_. Do not let your sin prevent that." Joseph pointed at her, "Bring that one to me." She noticed that since she had last seen him he had gained the ability to wear something on his upper body. A white button down with rolled up sleeves and a dark leather vest to be exact.   
The rosary was still wrapped around his hand. Marie wondered if he ever took it off or if he slept with it. The aviators were there as well, tinting his eyes green (like hers) instead of the blue they actually were.  
Joseph raised his arms toward her as John guided her (the Bliss still made it almost impossible to use her motor skills on her own). When Marie was close enough, Joseph hands enveloped her face, holding her head like that of a dolls. He leaned into her and she breathed him in, remembering when she had last been close enough to have done it. He smelled exactly the same. Still pleasant. And he was still good looking as well. Damnit, the Bliss was making her feel... open in a way, more free. It was as if it lowered her inhibitions like alcohol would.  
"Despite all that you have done, you are not beyond salvation. You're not here by accident or by chance. You are here by the grace of God. You've been given a gift.", the graceful movement of his lips mesmerized Marie and she concentrated only on him and the warmth of his rough hands. "Now it remains to be seen whether you choose to embrace it...or to cast it aside.", he lowered his eyes as if he were sad and knew she would not take the gift. 

  
Then he let her go and turned to John who stood, passive, his head still lowered, still looking very vulnerable and raw.  
"This one shall reach the Atonement.", Joseph told his brother with a hand on his shoulder, moving it to the back of John's head with his next words. "Or the Gates to Eden will be shut to you, John." The hand guided John to Joseph and stroked his hair slightly, their foreheads pressed together in a showing of brotherly affection.   
"Yes, Joseph.", was John's whispered answer.  
Marie, despite her situation (she blamed the Bliss), teared up slightly at the display, her heart blooming with sorrow. This casual touching and hugging and the affection were what she had always wanted with her own family but had never gotten.  
Her body yearned this kind of contact; seeing people touching like that always left her feeling empty and lost.  
She opened her mouth as Joseph turned to leave - the Bliss making her idea sound not as stupid as it was - and caught his rosary-wrapped hand clumsily. He looked at her sharply and she stuttered through the Bliss induced numbness of her mouth.  
"Why didn't you touch me like that as well?"  
It sounded slurred but Joseph got the gist of it as his eyes widened in surprise.  
He quickly composed himself, his eyes gaining that fatherly quality that he always used in front of his flock. He took her face again and smiled slightly, lowering his face to hers like he had done with John. One of his hands even went to her nape and stroked over her hair. "There you are, my dear Deputy. I love all my children the same. I hope you will find Atonement with John and truly join my family." With that he left them for good, doing whatever the Father did the whole damn day.

  
John's posture changed when Joseph left and he regained that aggressiveness that Joseph had snuffed out with his arrival. It scared her, made voilent shudders go down her spine. With the Father - against all odds - she felt safe and unjudged if a little pressured to 'do the right thing'. Only a small, insecure and paranoid part of herself wondered if The Father's kindness was only a mask. Yet Marie couldn't think of a good reason why he would fake this kind of kindness in front of her, one of the founding members of the Resistance. He probably truly believed himself to be a man of God - whether he actually was, was an entirely other question. John was not done with her when Joseph was finally completely gone.  
"You will confess. Every sin you've ever committed no matter how petty, no matter how small...I will _pull from you_. Then we'll see if you're worthy of Atonement."  
Those were his parting lines as another Peggie led her to a car to bring her to wherever sinners with the 'need to confess' went.

There were two others with Marie and the Peggie and they had started a conversation about the process of confessing when the car crashed. At that point, Marie's Bliss induced stupor had nearly worn off completely.   
The door opened to reveal Pastor Jerome who shot the scrambling Peggie in his head. Although Marie generally disapproved of killing them, she could honestly say that you had never been happier to see a priest.  
This whole confession business did not seem like something one wanted to do (the thought of someone cutting words into your skin made Marie cringe with the imagined pain).   
She smiled at the pastor through the pain of being thrown around in a car without your hands to brace yourself.   
Jerome cut the plastic wire on her hands and held his hand out to her which she took gratefully, wiping her hair (and a bit of blood( from her sticky forehead. Her clothes were still damp but Marie could care less when she sat down in Jerome's truck, safe from the youngest Seed's wrath for the time being.  
Now, off to save those prisoners and captives that Jerome had been talking about.  
**There was no rest for the deputy.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anything is confusing in the story please also let me know and I'll try to fix it. :)
> 
> And since the first chapter lacked it, here's the one only disclaimer for this story.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything besides my version of the Deputy.


	3. The Confession

Joh Seed being John Seed of course had something to say about the rescue and the stunt she had pulled in Woodson soon after (she had been on her way there before she chose to destroy that tank first). He ranted that Pastor Jerome was not a true man of God and that she, Marie, would still confess, as was the will of The Father.  
Marie ignored him completely and continued trying to shit on his toys and annoy the fuck out of him.  
When she met Nick and was asked to get his plane back from the Seed ranch, it felt like Christmas.

What better way to demoralize the cultists? And what better way to make John lose it?  
She loved it when he radioed her, full of rage and anger, his fury so strong that she could swear she could taste it. His voice went low and scratchy when he got angry and he got angry a hell of a lot faster than any man who was a Baptist of _anything_  should. To be honest, she liked annoying him so much because she liked his attention in a weird way, she liked that he became so obsessed with (capturing) her - even though the prospect of actually being forced to _confess_  was pretty scary. And she liked how he sounded, damning her with those sexy lilting tones.

And especially now, after she had liberated Seed's ranch, he did not stay silent.  
"So.", he started, actually sounding quite calm, "You've taken my home in the name of the 'Resistance'.", he said it like it left a bad taste in his mouth, "Ah, if those walls could talk...well more acurately scream. Just know that I will get it back - sooner or later. And when I do, maybe I'll hang your skin as a trophy above the mantle." Marie was used to his threats by now and she had never answered any of his broadcasts, so she wasn't about to start now, even though she had to urge to ask him if flaying was really the _only_  thing he could think off if he had her at her mercy.

Marie was sure that she wasn't the only one that felt the confusing, vaguely sexual, tension between them, even over the radio. And Marie was very inexperienced in those matters, unlike John (or at least that was what she had heard). There were various rumors about his salacious past but none had been confirmed by the man himself - mainly because no one, namely Marie, dared to ask him; because how would that go? Tuning in after he spoke of cleansing yourself rom sin and going just _hey John, I've heard that you were quite the playboy before becoming the Baptist, is that true?_  
That certainly didn't sound like a smart idea.

But lately, Marie did a lot of shit that might not seem like a good idea to an outsider.  
Flying Nick's plane out of that Ranch and blowing up numorous Bliss containers along the way was a new low (or high, whichever way you wanted to see it) for Marie. But flying that thing was exhilarating once she got over the fear of crashing the plane.  
She was sad when Nick was determined to leave, he seemed like suck a nice guy, but she could understand him. That didn't mean that she wasn't happy when Kim persuaded him to stay. Both of them were sweethearts.

Surprisingly John didn't contact her after that - Marie'd have guessed that he'd be frotting at the mouth. But no, not a single word. That couldn't mean anything good.  
And Dutch only solidified that bad feeling when he called her to tell her that John was really determined to get his hooks into her.  
Soon after, there was another ambush of Peggies who hunted her down with those shitty Bliss bullets.  
She managed to avoid them for a while, she was ready for them unlike last time, and helped a woman named Grace defend her father's grave in the process but eventually they caught up to her and managed to hit her with one of the damned bullets.  
Marie could do nothing as she went out cold.

She woke up bound to a chair, in a darkish room with red lights, opposite of Hudson who was in a similar situation as Marie only minus the Bliss slugging her struggling.  
Someone started whistling, the sound echoing off of the contrete walls, and John joined them, dressed in his Sundays best, as always, with a case in his hands. He left it on a table to Marie's right and assembled whatever was inside of it. He then wiped dust off of the table and leaned on it, thinking about what to say before he turned to her and began.  
"My parents", he told her, his posture casual as if he were talking about the weather, "were the first ones to teach me about the Power of Yes." He was ignoring Hudson and her whimpering completely in favor of looking at Marie intently, searching for any kinds of reaction to his story.  
"One night they took me into the kitchen and they threw me on the ground", he took out a stapler and stalpled something onto a wooden board - Marie wondered if he needed to do this, needed to distract himself to be able to tell her this so calmly, "and I experienced pain after pain after pain after pain-", he banged the stapler on the table.  
"And when I didn't think I could take anymore, I did.", he took a device that Marie couldn't really identify within her post-Bliss haze. "Something broke free inside. I wasn't scared. I was...clear.", he adjusted a lamp and shined it on Marie. Then he began to assemble something with the device in his hand. Marie realised that it was a tattoo gun.  
"I looked up at them and I started to laugh. All I could say was... _Yes_." He activated it, and Hudson cried out as if she knew what was coming but John put it aside for the time being.

Marie felt her heart reach out for him, despite herself. The Bliss always seemed to make her more emotional.  
This man had been broken as a child, had suffered torture from his parents...that didn't justify him now doing the same to others but Marie could relate to him better, now. She knew keenly how it felt to be let down by your parents, betrayed, treated like dirt.

"I spend my entire life looking for more things to say Yes to.", Jogn took her chair and brought it closer to him, barely grunting with the effort. "I opened up every hole in my body", he was so close to her now, leaning over the chair, she could smell him. He smelled like expensive aftershave and a hint of something metallic. Blood, was Marie's first guess. But it was not an overpowering scent. "and when those were filled, I created more.", so did he...? What the fuck? What did that mean? Did he swing both ways? Because she knew from notes in the Ranch that he kept a Peggie fuckbuddy called Holly around. Filling his holes didn't seem like something a _Holly_  would do...  
"But it was Joseph who showed me just how selfish I was being. Always receiving. Always taking. The best gift isn't the one you get, it's the one you give... and giving takes courage. The courage...to own your sin.", he starting walking in Hudson direction. "To etch it on to your flesh and carry its burden - and when you have endured - when you have truly begun to atone - to cut it out like a cancer and display it for all to see. My god, that's courage.", his rattling breath betrayed the raw emotion he felt at those words.  
_That's not courage_ , Marie thought to herself nonetheless, _that's insanity._  
He went back to that table. "I'm going to teach you courage.", he took something from there and started pacing again. "Teach you how to say 'yes' so you can confront your weaknesses. Confront your sin.", his voice began to raise until he was nearly shouting "You will swimm across an ocean of pain and emerge free!", John returned to her, pointing a sharp metal thing at her chest. His voice had calmed again. "For only then can you truly begin to atone." He strutted back to the table, half leaning against it.  
He looked between her and Hudson.  
"So. Who wants to go first? Hmm?"

Both of them were silent, Hudson's mouth was taped, so the only real option here was for Marie to take the spotlight. "Which one? Hmm?" She gathered her courage and whispered. "I. I will go first, John.", her voice was rough with unshed tears and barely contained fear.  
His face lit up and he looked like he'd just won the lottery. It was kind of cute and scary at the same time. "Yes. YES!"  
Then, more composed: "You're not going to regret this, I promise."  
_Oh, but I AM regretting it already._  
"Now before we begin I think it's only proper that Deputy Hudson goes back to her room.", he took Hudson's chair (which had wheels), "Confessions _are_ meant to be private after all."  
He rolled her out, passing Marie and stopping for a short time to 'shush' Hudson.  
"Sh, sh, sh. I am not here to take your life.  
I am here to give it to you.", that last sentence was directed at Marie. He could not seem to keep his attention on anybody else when she was there. Marie felt like he always returned to her, ultimately. He confirmed it by leaning in again and whispering to her, as if sharing something private - something _intimate_.  
"I'm going to open you and pour your worst fears inside and as you choke, your sins will reveal themselves.", uh, that, uh wasn't freaky _at all. Nooo_ , everything was just going peachy. Insert nervous and hysterical laughter.  
"Ony then will you truly understand the Power of Yes."  
He took Hudson's chair again and told Marie that he'd be right back. Hudson's scream chilled the young Deputy to the bone.

When Marie was sure that John was gone, she began to rock her chair into the direction of what she assumed to be the exit. It took effort as the Bliss wasn't yet completely gone from her system but she managed to get to the stairs. Marie looked around, trying to find another way but couldn't find one, so she gave one big shove and felt herselft tumbling down the stairs. Her bounds snapped in the course of her fall, so at least she was free of the chair.  
She crouched and hid behind crates and walls as she made her way through the building, hoping that she could find Hudson and take her with her.  
The radios transmitted a message of John's in which he (once again) obsessed over confessing your sins and bla bla bla. She had heard it a million times - some things he had a point, others, like his thing with needing to experience pain - not so much.  
And she really doubted that he wanted to save her. 'Helping her confess', seemed like it would more likely involve torture than salvation for her soul.

"And I will pass no judgement on you.  
No matter how messy it gets."  
Now that just sounded like he was talking about sex. Was he aware?  
"All you have to say is... _Yes._ " He _must_ , with how filthy he made his words sound. Was he trying to seduce her since the salvation-for-your-soul route wasn't working?  
When she found Hudson, John was still with her and a wall with a little barred window seperated them.  
He looked suprised and astonished as he stepped up to the wall. "I know your sin. It drives you. Every thought, every action.", she could hear his contempt for her.  
"Your sin is Wrath.", what? He probably didn't know that she had never killed a single person. Sure, she regretably hadn't stopped the other Resistance members from doing so, but she had never shot anyone where it was fatal. John must think the captured Peggies dead, killed by her. She didn't yet bother to correct his asumption (she also didn't know where the 'speak' button on her side was).  
He laughed breathlessly. "So I'll indulge you: become Wrath. Let it fill your body and consume your soul. Because in the end, you'll still be empty.", that was true. Marie would exchange Wrath for maybe Pride or even Lust ( _cough cough_ ) but it was true. Things like that weren't fulfilling. Humans need different things, like love and affection, true companionship. Happiness.  
"And I'll be waiting right here.", he glanced at Hudson, "We both will."  
He turned and led Hudson in another direction, away from Marie. Away from rescue.

Peggies filled the hall she was in and John's voice could he heard from the speakers.  
"Give her all the wrath that she can handle, brothers. Say YES, I will give my life in the name of The Father!"  
Marie only had a crowbar as a weapon but she managed to make her way through the Peggies, kicking them and hitting them over the head. She tried not to hit too hard to kill them but in the disarray she could not check.  
"Let her feast on her sin! Let her choke on it!", and there were the double entendres again. Nice to see that John's weird fascination with her was as strong as ever, even though she had become Wrath in his eyes.  
"Bathe in your sin. So that you may see how futile your efforts are.", she knew that. He was forcing her to fight through his men and if she had been what he thought she was, they would all be dead. Sacrificed because of John's pettiness.  
This 'bathe in your sin' seemed weird as well. Marie wasn't sure if Joseph would condone that. He didn't seem the type to tell someone to go have sinful fun.  
But, if she interpreted John's words from before right, it was what he had done.  
Overindulged in Lust and Greed and Gluttony. Sloth, as well - it was on his chest.  
In Marie's opinion he was also a lot more wrathful than she was, sending his people to their 'deaths' (as far as he knew).  
But who was she to judge? She was not definitely a saint. She was kind of into him _and_ his brother. In another situation, if they had met differently, Marie was sure that she would be running after Joseph or John.  
But she wasn't about to cozy up with two religious lunatics. Even though they made sense sometimes.

"Your sin consumes you. Blinds you to all the harm you inflict. It allows you to dispense of human life so easily.", John really did not know. He thought she had been killing his people left and right! He thought her a murderer! Inwardly, she was enraged. She was not like them. She did not kill to reach her goals! She was a heartbeat away from answering John for the first time, her fingers even inching in the radio's direction, but he continued, snapping her out of the moment.  
"Have you ever given so much as a second thought to killing?"  
_Yeah, I have. Have you? You've been sending people to die since day one._  
More and more Peggies blocked her way, she ran, knocking their weapons away, dodging their bullets when she wasn't quick enough, kicking tender places and smashing their knees and arms. She could see the gate that led outside, her muscles straining against those last hurdles in her way.  
"Drive the sinner from this place! Let her run! Let her hide! For no matter where she goes, God will guide us to her!"  
She was out and running from that place, her lungs screaming. But she wasn't about to stop - her fear of falling into John's clutches again so soon terrified her enough to keep her going.  
"See? THAT IS THE POWER OF YES!", she didn't quite know what he was talking about. The pathetic cultists that threw their lives away willingly?  
"There is nothing more you can do here, Deputy. I'll come for you when you're _good_  and _ready_.", back to the euphemisms.  
"Leave this place. Gorge yourself on wrath. Because if you don't - if you stay here, I will bleed your little princess like a stuck pig."  
And there it was again. _His_  wrath. By miles greater than hers.

She briefly mused what she would do. She could not just leave. People depended on her here and she could not just let them hanging. Her _Pride_  did not allow her that.  
First she needed to get back to a base and get her shit together. The Bill had thankfully disappeared entirely from her head and Marie wondered if one could built up a resistance against it. It seemed quicker than last time. But maybe she was out of it for longer this time. The adrenaline could have also helped to clear her head.

It was kind of funny, really. The only way she had been meeting John was by getting drugged and dragged there. One would think he would have better ways of getting a girl to visit him.

Dutch contacted her as soon as he got wind of what happened - seriously that man had eyes _everywhere_. She was weirdly touched by his concern for her. The old man had grown on Marie as well. Even though he never felt the need to call her by her name, sticking with Kid or Deputy.  
She hated it when she was called Deputy. She did not want that to be her identity.  
John Seed was especially bad. He alwas drew out the title, mocking it. _Dep-yoo-tee_.  
She hated it. Which was why he continued doing it. And Marie was about 80% sure that he didn't know her actual name, or anything beyond her physical appearance, really.  
Granted, the Resistance was also largely left in the dark by her. They had barely gotten her to tell them her birthdate.  
Her twentieth birthday was in nine months.

The urge to set John right about herself returned with a visciousness she had not expected. She fought with herself. She was close to a base, far away from his bunker.  
Relatively safe.  
What could it hurt? She didn't think that he would harm Hudson just because of a call from her.  
Marie kept thinking. Maybe she could wriggle some information out of him if she was careful? The idea sounded better and better. Deciding to be brave, Marie sat down by a tree and leaned against it. She was fucking exhausted from all of that sprinting, so a break was rather welcome.

Picking up the radio, she typed the frequency that was always displayed when John talked to her. If she did this, he would have hers as well. But it was too late as it flickered to life.  
"John?", she asked, carefully, not wanting to tip him off before the conversation had even begun.  
She waited and almost put the radio away, thinking she had been stupid. Why should he pay attention to his radio? He probably had better stuff to do. Like fixing the mess she had made off his bunker.  
Then suddenly there was an answer.  
She jerked when her ears caught his voice.  
"Deputy?", he sounded genuinely surprised.  
"To what do I owe the pleasure? - Especially after what I told you about leaving. Hudson here is really hoping you'll listen to my advice.", he was already threatening her.  
"Please leave her out of this for now. And don't call me Deputy. That title doesn't mean shit anymore."  
_It never meant anything to me_ , Marie thought silently, bitterly.  
"Then what shall I call you then? Savior of the 'Resistance'?", there it was - that mocking tone that he did so well.  
"Ugh, no. My name's Marie Robins. _Mah-ree_ , mind you. And I wanted to talk to you about sin. You are wrong about me."  
_You made assumptions and you'll listen to me, John Seed. I won't let you walk all over me_.  
"Well, _Mah-ree_ , I don't see how I would be wrong. You are Wrath through and through."  
Marie huffed and pressed her nails into her palm to keep her cool. It would not do to annoy him right now.  
"Look at your people. Look at the Peggies you sent to stop me. I haven't killed one of them. At least not intentionally. If I have, I am very sory. But the point is that I have not fatally shot even one person. And you call me Wrath. Wrath. I could have lived with every other sin, even Sloth and lately I have been everything but lazy - but Wrath? Really? Hell no. I have never acted on any of the urges I might or might not have. Killing is the one thing I do not do! And you tell me that I shall gorge myself on it! That's simply not fair!", Marie finished her rant, breathless because she had worked herself into half a fit.  
John was silent for a while, probably processing what she had told him through the connection.  
"I have to say, I am surprised. And the missing people? Where are they then?"  
He did not trust her story. Very well.  
"Captured, the majority at least. I might not shoot with the intent to kill but there are people in the Resistance who don't share the sentiment. I can't always convince them otherwise. It makes it easier, you know, and easier is what most people want."  
It was a harsh truth, but Marie was always very honest even if it might hurt people's feelings.  
"That is right. It is...unfortunate that you could not lead every one of your allies on your path. Their victims will be missed in our community.", his voice was solemn and he paused briefly.  
"Now, you have given me much to think about. I thought I had figured you out, but it seems I was mistaken. And truly, you would have accepted every other sin? Even Lust?", an amused tone crept into his voice. Marie could feel her cheeks growing hot. "Y-yeah.", she stammered, "I do have _thoughts_ , you know? Even though I've been _slightly_  busy with other things these past weeks."  
She could hear his chuckle and imagine the smirk on his immaculate, perfect face.  
" _Thoughts_? Hm? Do you want to confess? I am always listening if you need to get it off your chest. I can cleanse you.", he purred, putting on his charming persona. He was rather good at it, she was tempted for a moment, just so she could mess with him.  
"Well...", she began and she could just imagine him leaning in, as if they were sharing a secret. "I'd rather not say.", she finished flatly. "I'm not sure I know you well enough to tell you these kind of things."  
"Oh, but you could. Know me well enough that is. You just have to say 'Yes'. Then I could guide you to Atonement.", it astonished Marie how smooth John could be.  
"Whatever happened to choke on your sin?" He had condemned her in that bunker.  
"That cannot happen now, can it? Now that I know that you are not Wrath. I must find your true sin first so you can atone properly."  
"Well, good luck, John.... You know what: I really like your name. It sounds so gentle.", she didn't know what possessed her to say crap like that. But the peaceful conversation had lulled her into a sense of security.  
"..Thank you.", he said, coughing awkwardly.  
"My brother Jacob named me. My parents didn't care to do it. I... I was an unwanted accident."  
"That's horrible. That your parents were that way, I mean.", Marie did not fake her sympathy. It was completely genuine.  
"Both sets of parents. We were taken away from our birth parents. I was adopted very quickly but let's just say my new parents... they were just as bad."  
How that must feel. To be rescued from abusive parents only to be thrust into another lion den.  
"Why did they adopt you then? Just to be horrible?", it seemed ridiculous.  
"They were alright at first. Then they 'discovered' that I had the devil inside me and they said that they needed to beat him out of me.", his voice was steady.  
His trauma must be buried deep inside of him since she doubted that he had truly overcome it. His victims would certainly agree with that. Nobody who had really dealt with his problems would act that way.  
"Oh God, John , I'm so sorry. That's horrible. I don't know what to say." And she truly didn't. She could not imagine the pure anguish that he must have gone through.  
It explained how he was so broken, so twisted, so bipolar, hot and cold.  
"It was a long time ago. Judgement has long passed upon them."  
Marie didn't doubt that. The Seeds did not do things by half. The young woman felt the need to give something back. To share. What had John said?  
_The best gifts are the ones you give._  
Let's test that theory.

"I'll tell you what. Since you shared this with me, I'll confess something: I never wanted to be a policewoman. I did it for my father. He was a policeman before he was forced to retire and our relationship was never the same after that. I wanted to be able to share something with him. It didn't work. I was too greedy for something he did not want to give me. And I had too much pride to ever speak with him. To tell him that I needed him to love me. Not that he would ever do that.  
I was thrash. A glorified servant at best.",  
it did feel good to talk about it. Even though it was with a crazy sadist.

"Did you ever hurt yourself?", he asked; that patronizing tone that his brother used so well - Joseph managed to sound fatherly and gentle - on his tongue and just not sounding right.  
"W-why would you ask that?"  
"You bite your lips excessively when you are nervous. You don't even notice when they bleed. You have lines on your arms. You used to scratch yourself, didn't you? That's why you keep your nails so short now."  
"Wha-How dare you?!", how would he know that? They had only met face to face three times. How much attention must he have paid her to have noticed such menial things? None of the Resistance members seemed to in all the time that she knew them.  
"But I'm right, am I not? How long has it been? Two years, three? The marks can't be much older." But then, few would know this kind of pain as well as he did.  
Marie was shaken and pale white but she answered. "Two."  
"See to it that it remains that way. Harming ones self like that is a sin. And now, Marie, I really would like to continue our discussion; it has been enlightening - but doing God's work is taxing and I have things to do. Much to tidy up. Until the next time we speak again - or even meet, _Dep-yoo-tee Mah-ree_ " With that the line went dead. Marie felt incredibly confused. She did not know what to think. John was confusing her so much.  
Not that she could do anything about that.  
The deputy let her head fall agains the wood of the tree and closed her eyes, trying to gather her thoughts.  
What was she supposed to _do_?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously you'll recognize a lof of the early dialogue since it's straight from the game and not my own.  
> This will get less and less as the story begins to deviate from the canon plot.


End file.
